Sabotaging the Journey

My Journey of Self-Sabotage 

If you are in a season of expansion or are trying a new pattern of behavior, and you are up against things that require you to step into an unknown or unfamiliar space, what generally happens is you start self-sabotaging. 

I found myself in this position last week. Avoiding many things that I knew were going to propel me in my career and growth, yet it scared me so much so that it paralyzed me. I was doing things that I knew were preventing me from stepping into that space. Stuff like not responding to essential emails, not sending my assistant documents to help move a project along, and waiting until the very last second of a deadline. 

I could see it all happening in front of me, yet I felt like I couldn’t stop it. 

I was procrastinating so hard that I was done with my own bullshit. 

I was bringing on more anxiety and worry than it warranted. 

Other Forms of Self-Sabotage 

Self-sabotage can show up in many areas of our lives, especially in our career, working out routines, new diets, relationships, a sobriety journey, finances, and so much more. Generally, we hit a tipping point, which happens after we’ve experienced a stint of success, and a moment comes when we have to take a leap of faith, which is when self-sabotage takes place. Because we don’t know what is on the other side, we begin to make up stories in our heads about what is going to happen. Stories of failure, losing friendships, romantic partners, family, and even more considerable sacrifices and risks. The unknown is so far removed from what you’re used to that the body doesn’t know how to interpret that feeling, so it just stops. 

If you are worried about whatever you need to do more than doing the thing, it is time to take action.

Witness the Sabotage

If you’re in a moment where you’re self-sabotaging, try to step back and assess what your long-term and short-term goals are and move a little slower. I think that we, as humans, in the society that we live in, are conditioned to move fast, as fast means progress, but not in all cases. Sometimes when we are in a season of growth, we move slower than we are used to or compared to others, and we need to give ourselves a little grace and compassion.

Take one step at a time; the change doesn’t have to happen overnight, but taking one step toward the goal you want will help you take the next step and the next step. So be patient as you move through it. 

Throughout changing ourselves, the systems, dynamics, and relationships we are surrounded by are also shifting and evolving. Therefore, the people you interact with must catch up with you, or they don’t, and those relationships have served their purpose, and you move forward through that. 

I want you to know that you’re not alone in this; we all go through it. It does not matter what season you’re in; you will face a moment where going back is more comfortable than moving forward. It is predictable and known. 

Moving Forward 

You didn’t set out to change to stay the same. So, that is why I sat my ass down and went through my emails, did not overthink it, and just moved through it. 

I made this a more significant issue and problem than it needed to be. I just needed to lean in fully. The self-sabotage for me was in a moment of growth within my career. This phase, for me, is super exciting but also incredibly scary. For me, this means my priorities and dynamics need to shift a lot. There will be a lot of moments in the future where I will have to say no, specifically to social engagements, because my focus needs to be on my goals and what I am putting out into the universe. 

There are many boundaries and stepping into the unknown and having faith that I haven’t been given this vision and assignment by accident, and that whatever it looks like, I know it is for my higher good, my calling, and purpose.