Vulnerability in the Journey
I want to take some time to offer up my perspective on the difference between being vulnerable and feeling exposed. To some extent, they're similar; however, being vulnerable is sharing under a controlled circumstance where you provide your own experience and perspective with responsibility. On the other hand, being exposed is likely not in a controlled circumstance where another individual shares through their narrative and perspective without kindness and compassion.
It has taken me a long time and a lot of hard work to be in a place where I feel comfortable being vulnerable. Before I put the work in to allow myself to open up, I created a lot of barriers and walls around me, making me very unapproachable. Because I had a bubbly personality, I assumed that I was vulnerable, but that simply was not the case.
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a moment to open your heart to share something that could create judgment, critique, and feedback from whoever you're vulnerable with. Vulnerability should come without any expectations, specifically that the person you are being vulnerable with does not have to return the vulnerability back to you.
It's similar to giving a gift; when you give a gift expecting something in return, are you giving that from a pure place? Or are there lots of strings attached? So similarly, if you are being vulnerable and expecting the same in return, it can be a manipulative tactic and quite unfair.
Actual vulnerability comes from the pureness of sharing your heart, experience, and story without expecting something in return.
Being vulnerable doesn't mean that you share from a wounded place; it is important not to bleed out on people, or in other words, don't emotionally drag someone through wounds you are still working through. Being vulnerable with others still needs to be dealt with responsibly.
Vulnerability can feel like you're being exposed, but when you decide that you want to share something and are sharing from a healthy scare, not an open wound, you've done the work, and you're ready to share without expectations from a healthy place. That is sharing responsibly.
Exposure
Typically being exposed happens when somebody else shares something about you, how they perceived your experience under their narrative. Someone else sharing something about you is not vulnerable; that is exposure. That is done with many expectations and assumptions, not with responsibility, kindness, or compassion. It is unfair.
As I move through life, I try hard to share from my perspective because I don't ever want to expose somebody. Even as I walked through the journey of divorce, I did not talk about my ex-husband at all. And even now, when I do, I speak from my experience, not about him. There are a few reasons for this as well; for one, I don't like to put energy behind it, and for two, it helps keep my integrity. I share from my experience because I am unsure what is going on on the other side.
Moving Through Vulnerability
If you're in a place of feeling vulnerable, ask yourself some of these questions to help gain some clarity:
Are you doing it from a scared or wounded place
Are you sharing with an expectation of someone sharing back
Are you sharing your own experience, or are you exposing somebody else's
These are some hard truths, and where the work starts to take root, I want to offer up this perspective because it is a hot topic, and I think it is essential to understand what is going on behind that.